Friday, September 16, 2005

Monkeys in the Morning

When you are attempting to leave for work in the morning, and notice that your yard has been overrun by a herd of marauding Rhesus monkeys, what is the appropriate response?

A) Charge out the front door, waving your umbrella in circles above your head and screaming at
the top of your lungs so as to chase them off


B) Call in sick to work--clearly you can't leave with that kind of a menace lurking around the
house.


C) Decide that there's safety in numbers and force your housemates to forgo breakfast and/or
more sleep in favor of walking down with you


D) Climb out your bedroom window and slink down the path, hoping they won't notice you.

This is a tricky question, so take your time answering. There are several tempting answers.

I myself would have liked to employ "B" this morning, but was unconvinced that my boss would find it an acceptable excuse.

I then contemplated "A" but decided that I could provoke an attack rather than scaring them off, as there were quite a few of the nasty critters, including mothers with babies which always makes the males aggressive.

"D" seems like a good response, and would be, except that the windows don't lock from the outside and the only thing worse than a gang of monkeys in the front yard is a gang of monkeys in your bedroom.

So that leaves "C" --safety in numbers. I was actually the housemate being rushed out of the house, as Zoe has to be at work earlier than I do and was absolutely refusing to leave her apartment without support. I was alerted to the presence of the monkeys when I heard her screaming "GROSS!!! GO AWAY!!!" out the window. We also recruited my housemate Ethan for the walk down, since the monkeys are decidedly sexist and are far more likely to harass women than men.

I am happy to report that we all emerged unscathed but -- coupled with the scorpion in my shower this morning -- it was quite a lot of activity for not even 8am.

1 Comments:

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